A Lesson in Education
Dear Q,
Education is vital to your growth and your perceived worth in this world. Although it has much to offer, the education system within which you will be raised is deeply flawed. You will not see yourself reflected in the system and your ancestors will not be represented. Always remember that there is more to history and knowledge than the contributions and accounts of white men. There were many, many scientists, philosophers, artists, sculptors, explorers, prophets, and world leaders who were not white and who were not men.
Be sure to educate yourself. Read. Observe. Question. Learn. Never stop learning.
Remember that what you are taught to believe is not as important as what you know to be true.
Love always,
Mom
Don’t call me liberated.
I hate to say it, but the women’s liberation movement did me and the women of my generation (and those to follow) a grave injustice. I appreciate the intention, but the implications have been damaging. The fiercely independent women of my generation have not been taught how to let someone else take care of us, and we have been conditioned to resent taking care of a partner, especially a man. How then, can we create and foster meaningful, lasting relationships?
By most standards, I am a pretty successful woman. I have a career. I make more money than my male counterpart. I have paid off my car, which I was able to buy new. We bought our house on my credit rating, which is impeccable. I am a mother. I run my home and provide the basics for my family – food, shelter, and love. I don’t do it alone, but I know I could if I had to.
Good for me! I am everything to everyone. Thank you, liberation. Having not lived for the better part of the 20th century, I cannot speak to the intentions of the women who fought for our rights to be human (aside from speculating that the intention was good and pure and true). Unfortunately, implication trumps intention and the implications of the feminist movement are severe.
Instead of celebrating the differences of men and women and demanding that the work that women have been doing for thousands of years be valued, women’s liberation focussed on ‘anything you can do, I can do (better).’ In so doing, forcing women to change to meet the standard in order to prove our worth, instead of forcing the standard to change to include us. Internalized oppression was so profound that women did not see the worth in what they did and what they were inherently good at doing.
I have no interest in becoming a ‘like a man’ to prove my worth. I am different from a man and I embrace that. I want to throw like a girl and run like a girl and drive like a woman. That is what I am. I don’t want to be expected to “man up” and “grow a pair.”
We need equity, not equality; they are not the same. Equality is about sameness. Equity is about recognizing differences, celebrating them, and not evaluating people based upon those differences.
For thousands of years, women have provided for, supported, loved, raised, fed, and loved our families and children. We have prepared our young for the world and for their futures. We have been entrusted with the task of raising the generation to follow us (generation after generation). In what kind of world is providing the basic needs of food (cooking), shelter (homemaking), and love (staying at home) not valued?
As a result of being liberated, I am now forced to choose between providing for my child and parenting him. I do not have time to prepare the healthiest of meals, nor do I have adequate time to maintain a healthy home. Sure, I get help from my male counterpart, but the responsibility falls upon me.
The pressure is overwhelming and the expectations, extreme. Women have not been liberated, but the illusion that we have has been masterfully created and maintained, which further devalues us and strips us of our voice. We have been silenced by the right to vote and the right to work. As much as I appreciate those developments, I recognize that they both should have been a given in the first place.
Equity eliminates power structures and oppressive systems. If cooking, homemaking, and child-rearing were valued to the same degree as working outside the home and making money, then there would be no supremacy in the home and more balance. Having everyone responsible for everything is ineffective and inefficient.
I am not liberated and I am tired having my worth defined by how well I measure up to the male standard. Value what I am inherently good at and allow me to do it. The freedom to choose comes from true liberation. Women need to choose what they are good at, individually and feel free to do that. However, society needs to value what has been dubbed “women’s work.” There needs to be a paradigm shift to remove the negative connotation and stigma of what has been women’s work for centuries upon centuries…
I struggle with the values of this world I know. I know they are arbitrary and misguided, wrong and damaging. They are so ingrained that even when oppressed people stand up and fight for their basic human rights, the message is twisted and the standard gets to be percieved as doing them a favour, and that’s only if the rights are granted, which they are often not. Why do we let let this continue?
Human Arrogance abounds!
Humans who inhabit this world I know have an sense of entitlement that never ceases to amaze me. I cannot escape the arrogance that humans, as a species, embody. It is evident in so many issues that we face on this planet. It blinds us and it guides us – a frightening marriage. Although on an individual basis, we would deny it, humans actually believe that we are all-powerful and entitled to this planet.
Aliens. What an exercise in arrogance to believe that humans are possibly the only ‘intelligent’ life forms in the universe. Do we really think that we are that special and entitled?!
Ghosts. Why do we think that because we can’t always see (read: register it in our brain) something, that is doesn’t exist?
Nature. We build, we decimate, we abuse, we over-use, but do we honestly think that we control nature? Plate techtonics, volcanoes, tsunamis, earthquakes, and other acts of nature suggest otherwise. Yellowstone is a super-volcano that is overdue to erupt. We are not in control, nor are we entitled. Humans may have caused global warming, but how arrogant are we to believe that we hold the fate of the planet in our hands.
As a species, humans need to get over themselves and take a lesson from other animals. We have created a hierarchy with humans on top as the ‘evolved’ and the ‘intelligent.’ However, we are so far-removed from our animal instincts that we are disconnected from the oneness that other beings enjoy. Humans think we know, but it’s the animals, plants, and other organisms who actually do know; they have mastered the art of being.
A Lesson in interactions
Dear Q,
This is a hard lesson to learn, but it is important to remember. How you interact with other people reflects a lot about your self. Make every interaction count. Make it nice. Make it kind. Make it meaningful. It may seem easier to be mean, sarcastic, insulting, and petty – especially if others interact with you in that way. What do you gain from those – meanness, sarcasm, insults? Ego-stroking. People pull others down in order to try to build themselves up, make themselves look cool, or to gain power. Ultimately, that doesn’t work. It may appear to, but it will catch up with you.
Every other human is a reflection of your self. We are all manifestations of the same essence. How you treat others is how you treat your self. I am not saying to ‘treat others how you wish to be treated.’ I am saying, ‘how you treat others is how you are treating your self.’ We are different embodiments of the same. We are all the same essence in different bodies and physical forms.
Think of a soap bubbles. Inside each bubble is air. The air has always existed, but the soap gives each bubble its shape and makes it visible. When a bubble bursts, the air still exists. We are like bubbles. We are all the same essence made temporarily visible by our physical form.
When you interact with other human physical forms, remember that they are just different manifestations of you; they are bubbles of the same air.
Love always,
Mom
A Lesson in identity
Dear Q,
Human identity is almost entirely based upon the physical form – the body. Our gender, our race, our ability status, our age, our sexual orientation, our sexuality, etc, are attributes of our physical selves. Everything except what we know is attached to our physical form. Our physical form determines our worth. Right or wrong, that is what I know about the world in which we live.
Our physical form embodies us. It makes us visible and gives us shape. Our bodies enable us, and they limit us. You will not be able to escape the labels that people put upon you based upon your physical form, but remember that it does not represent the essence of you. It is temporary and when you leave Earth, it will stay here. You will still exist.
Love,
Mom
A Lesson in Failure
Dear Q,
One who enriches the life of another can never be a failure.
Love always,
Mom
Getting caught up in the ‘shoulds’ of this world…
There are a lot of things I ‘should’ do, ‘should’ be doing, ‘should’ be thinking, ‘should’ be feeling, and ‘should’ be judging. There are things I ‘should’ be drinking, ‘should’ be eating, ‘should’ be watching, ‘should’ be saying, ‘should’ be listening to.
The world I know has very specific standards and it has spent my entire lifetime conditioning me to aspire to these standards – and to feel guilty or inferior for not meeting them or worse, not aspiring to them. More often than not, these standards conflict with what I know to be true.
Sometimes, I catch myself getting caught up in the ‘shoulds’ of this world. I have to check myself. Why do I want to aspire to them? What do I get out of it? Attention? Affection? Affirmation? That is all ego.
Negotiating this world is a challenge. Sometimes, convenience trumps goodness. Sometimes, the perceived importance of time trumps compassion. Sometimes, ego trumps consciousness. Sometimes… perhaps, most of the time.
As much as it likes to think it is, this world is not built for goodness, compassion, or consciousness. We are too caught up in what we ‘should’ be doing to do what we should be doing, and to be who we are.
In Illusions, Richard Bach wrote “I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going.“ What am I clinging to? Where would the current take me if I let go? Dare I?
A Lesson in Being
Dear Q,
Scatman Joe once said “I’d rather be a human being than a human doing.” I couldn’t say it better, myself.
This fast-paced, high-tech world will expect you to get things done, to multi-task, and to be productive. It is so pervasive that we work on our laptops, infront of the TV, with a book open beside us, and feel guilty for being unproductive.
Stillness is the key to being. Feel free to be still. Remove your self from the physical and enjoy the stillness that you find there. The more still you are, the more still you will be. Be conscious. Be present. Be aware. Be still. Just be.
Love,
Mom
A Lesson in Gratitiude
Dear Q,
We live in a consumer-driven world that will tell you that you need to want whatever you don’t have – from cars, to razors, to body parts. This constant wanting prevents you from appreciating what you have and recognizing the abundance that surrounds you. We are conditioned to complain – about the weather, about the economy, about work, about school, about other people. In the summer, the weather is too hot. In the winter, it’s too cold. Resist.
Abundance is a matter of perception. Appreciate what you have. When it rains, lift your face to the sky and be grateful that you are not living in drought. Water is life and it is falling from the sky. For free! If you look at rain as an inconvenience, that is what it will become. Concentrate on what you have and more will come to you. Once you start to recognize the abundance around you, you will see just how much you have to be grateful for.
You are surrounded by abundance – of love, of nature, of laughter, of music, of art, of life… be grateful for it.
Love always,
Mom
The World I Know…
This world I know makes less and less sense to me as I negotiate through it as a mother. I live in a world that is inherently flawed and thoroughly unnatural. I have become increasingly aware of this as I try to reconcile working and mothering. Working has forced me to relinquish control of how much time I spend with my son, which conflicts with every maternal instinct I have. Often, our human arrogance prevents us from viewing ourselves as animals, but the fact remains that we are. We are mammals who, by nature, nurture our young. So, of course I feel like I should be with my son, nurturing him and raising him, teaching him, and loving him.
The priorities of this world I know are so skewed, that money is valued over children, and parents have to chose between providing for their children and parenting them.
